It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
