He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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