Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize