She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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