I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
