cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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