you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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