He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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