I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
