Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
where am i from again
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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