Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize