I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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