Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
