4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
