VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
