Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
