That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
