How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
