Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
