we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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