Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
