Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
