There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
