Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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