I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
