Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
