You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
