How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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