I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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