I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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