does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
