i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
barbara walters just said penis...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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