This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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