ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
