I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
