i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
