this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
