My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
