i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
