Quick, to the slutcave!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
