Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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