ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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