what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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