I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
