i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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