You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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