I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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