i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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