You really coming over, don't trick.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
