HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
