im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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