so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
