I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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