I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
honey bunches of taint.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
