How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
