And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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