Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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