I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
