yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
