i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
