I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
