Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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