ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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