i just had sex bonerless
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She bit a glass in half.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
